Assertiveness Part 4

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE IN SPECIFIC SITUATIONS

Being assertive can assist you to overcome awkward situations. Here are a few examples that can assist you to:

SAY "NO"

If you do not want to do something, you do not have to do it! Refusing does not mean you are selfish!

Do not feel compelled to give a reason.

Feel free to strike a compromise. "I can not organize your tag sale and I would be happy to donate some items."

EXPRESS YOUR ANGER

There is nothing wrong with feeling anger; it is the way it is expressed that can hurt people.

Do say something. The other person can not read your mind -- and do not count on sulking to get your message across.

Discuss the issue (and that issue only).

Stay calm

Avoid name-calling

Discuss solutions. Compromise.

"I am irritated that you are continually late. Is there some reason why you can not get here on time? Maybe we can change your schedule." NOT "I am sick and tired of this, you lazy bum!"

ASK FOR ASSISTANCE

Asking for assistance is natural and everybody can use it once in a while.

Make your request direct, clear and specific.

Give the person time to choose if he or she wants to do it.

Make sure the person understands that it is OK to say "No." "I have got to move before the end of the month. Could you lend a hand between the 28th and 30th?"

GIVE AND RECIEVE COMPLIMENTS

If receiving praise is tough for you, then just give a smile, a simple "thank you" or a hug, depending on the situation.

Do not insult the person giving the compliment by saying "Oh, is was nothing" simply say "You are welcome or thank you."

If you truly feel the compliment is underserved, acknowledge that, and still thank the person. "I was a bit disappointed myself and I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the support.

When giving praise, be sincere and specific.

PRACTICE YOUR ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS

Becoming assertive takes time and practice. Here is a plan that may assist.

1. SELECT A SITUATION in which you would like to be assertive. "I would like to tell my friends that I do not want to go out with them every Friday night."

2. OBSERVE HOW OTHERS ACT in the same situation. "Dibbie makes excuses. It works, and some people doubt her truthfulness. Tom simply says, "No, thank you. I would rather not.

3.REHEARSE THE SCENE by planning what you will say, how you will make your point. Practice in front of the mirror to be sure you look and act confident as well.

4. GO DO IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS "I do not want to go our tonight. I would just like to stay home and relax."

5. EVALUATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE and be critical and do not be too hard on yourself. "I could improve my eye contact. I was direct, I did not make excuses and it worked."

6. DO IT AGAIN .. You can do it!

YOU CAN BECOME ASSERTIVE AS NEVER BEFORE

SAY what is on your mind.

EXPRESS yourself directly, honestly and appropriately

RESPECT you own rights and the rights of others

Being assertive will make a difference in your life ... A DIFFERENCE YOU WILL ENJOY

Assertiveness Part 3

Communication skills are a KEY to being assertive. Become AWARE of:
WHAT YOU SAY

* Be Specific, not general. "I have taken on more responsibilities - purchasing and supervising - and I think I should be compensated accordingly". NOT "You should give me a raise"

* Stay calm, becoming emotional or bringing up the past is counterproductive, i.e., "I had to ask for a raise last year too."
HOW YOU SAY IT

* Be steady. If you voice is too soft, whiny, shaky, sarcastic or threatening, you will not come across well.

* Use "I feel" rather than "You are" in your statements. I feel angry when you do not call to say you are going to be late." NOT " You are such a thoughtless jerk!"
WHERE AND WHEN TO SAY IT

It is best to be assertive most of the time. And some times and places are not appropriate.

The Classic, It is best to confront someone in private rather than in front of people.

It is common courtesy to discuss sensitive issues in private.

KEEPING THE FOLLOWING 4 POINTS IN MIND WILL ASSIST YOU TO INCREASE YOU ASSERTIVENESS

1. Use confident body language

-- Look the person straight in the eye, do not look down or away

-- Keep your body straight, do not slouch.

-- Keep your hands at your sides or in your lap. Do not tap on the table, fiddle with your hair or jewelry, fold your hands across your chest, or point your finger at the other person.

2. Be a good listener

-- Give your full attention to the person who is speaking.

-- Show your interest by responding. Do not simply nod you head in agreement.

-- Briefly summarize in your own words what the person said. It helps eliminate misunderstanding.

3. Respect yourself

-- Realize that you are worthy and have something to offer. Your ideas are important and others can benefit from them.

Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses.

Recognize those things you do well. Do not discount them because they are easy for you.

Take gradual steps toward overcoming your weaknesses. Reward yourself as you improve.

4. Respect Others

+ Everybody has the right to express feelings and opinions.

+ Realize the difference between assertion and aggression. Keep each clear. There is no need to threaten, punish or false influence other people. If you treat them with respect, they will treat you with respect.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WILL BE STRONGER, HEALTHIER AND MORE ENJOYABLE WHEN THEY ARE BASED ON MUTUAL RESPECT.

What To Say To Meet Women ANYWHERE!

Dear Speed Seduction(R) Student,

Today I received the following question in email:

*****************************************************
I was wondering Ross, if you can suggest some icebreakers or opening lines to initiate conversations with? Like when you see an attractive girl and you want to approach her but you're not sure what to say. You want to say something but you're not sure what and then you think about it to long and its to late!

You know something comfortable that girls will smile at and want to keep the conversation going instead of us constantly talking.

I want her to say something after I initiate it so we can see if there is some chemistry there or not. And being able to get past "Hi"..You know what I mean? Are there some opening lines you can suggest I can use the next time I go out that are appealing? That way I will be armed with some ice breakers and will lead to getting to know someone hopefully.

Could you please let me know at your earliest convenience?
Thank you. Dimitrios
************************************************

Ok. For Dimitrios and all of you reading this:

This all depends on where you find yourself and what you see the girl doing.

This makes sense, doesn't it?

If you want a line that works in every circumstance, in every situation, no matter where you find yourself, and what the girl is doing, I guess you could go,

Hi..I noticed you here and realized if I didn't say something....I'd never get to find out what you're like..other than what I already know.

When she says, "What do you know?"

You say, "That you seem like you'd be cool and fun to talk to. I'm...YOUR NAME HERE".

You see, knowing what to SAY to a woman is utterly and totally dependent on WHAT YOU CAN OBSERVE ABOUT THAT WOMAN.

It's not so much a matter of what to say.

No, the real secret of "opening" women is, knowing what to observe, knowing what to notice, and even KNOWING WHAT TO GET CURIOUS ABOUT.

Does that make sense?

Also, the approach to opening her might differ a bit if she is at a coffee house, quietly studying, as opposed to in a loud restaurant or party, right?

Why?

Because the CONTEXT she is in and what you NOTICE about her is going to be different.

If she's studying, and you notice that she's having a hard time; thinking really hard, talking to herself out loud or just thinking "OUTLOUD" in her head, it would NOT make sense to walk up and ask her opinion about the great band that is playing or where she bought her cool bicycle.

So, I will say it again.

The most important thing, first and foremost, is NOT what you say, but the context she is in, and what you can observe about her and the setting she is in.

Now, many guys ask me about compliments. Should I give them? Is it a good way to first "open up" talking to a woman? If so, what should I compliment?

Ok. I'll repeat: it depends on the context, where she is, what she is doing, and what you NOTICE and can OBSERVE.

Look: whether it is opening her by using a compliment, or asking her a question about something, or making a comment about something she's doing or something going on in the environment, I will ask myself the same question, "What can I notice about this person that I can use to make a connection?"

Now, let's say I notice something about her that I DO find worth complimenting. My rules for complimenting are as follows:

1. NO sexual content in the compliments. That means I don't compliment on her great boobs, great legs, great butt, etc. No woman(no half-way SANE woman) wants a drooling lecher.

2. All compliments to be delivered with good eye contact in fact, ANY openers are delivered this way) with a smile on my face AND in my eyes( I sort of make them twinkle a bit) and delivered with a MATTER of fact voice tone.

This means I don't overdo it with my tone of voice. The compliment is delivered, matter of fact, with no concern on my part whether she will accept it, reject it or anything in between.

It is NOT about her accepting or rejecting what I say. It is ONLY about me wanting to say what I have to say, and any response she has is OK WITH ME.

Really, this is about the sub -text. This means, you see, that there is the surface message, the actual words I say. Those can be important.

But the sub-text is the unspoken or implied message I am delivering about me and how I walk through the world; that ***I*** take full responsibility for how I feel about myself, my situation, the events and circumstances in my life, and I don't need anyone to approve or validate my message.

Now, trust me. When you come from THAT place, and add in a touch of humor....

Almost Anything You Say Will Get A Good Response!

Notice something else. This is a great but different KIND of confidence. It's not the kind of confidence that say, loudly, "I KNOW I AM GOING TO GET WHAT I WANT".

It's more of a, "If I get what I want, that's fine and good, and if not, that's ok too. I'm having fun regardless".

Ok. Back to compliments then.

I prefer to compliment women on the following things:

1. How they carry themselves or how they move. I enjoy a woman who moves beautifully and/or who has great posture. I will tell them so, as follows, "I just wanted to tell....I think you have perfect.......posture. You just carry yourself beautifully."

Notice the ....... This indicates a pause in your speaking. I don't run everythingtogetherintoonesentencelikethis.

No. I take....my....time. I pause, right before I tell them what I am going to tell them, so they will get curious about what I am going to say, and therefore be more receptive.

The pauses in the music are as much a part of the music as the notes, to use a metaphor.

2. How they are dressed. I like to compliment on style. So I will say, "I just wanted to tell you...I admire women with class and style...so I had to say "hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE."

Note that this is what I call an IMPLIED compliment. I didn't' directly tell her I think SHE has class and style. I said I admire women with class and style, so I had to say "hi". That IMPLIES that I think she has class and style.

Why is this important?

Well, by implying the compliment, she has to use her imagination to interpret what you meant.

Imagination is an ACTIVE process, and so she doesn't resist the message, as she herself has to take an active hand in creating it!

Implied compliments are very useful in slipping past any resistance or skepticism to your message!

This, of course, is part of the number #1 rule in Speed Seduction®: Use your imagination to capture and lead a woman's imagination and emotions!

3. I will compliment on their "energy". I know this is a New Age, California kind of thing, but women are into "energy" or "vibes". It doesn't matter if you believe in it or not-although I hope one day you will.

The important thing is, MOST women believe in it.

So if I notice a woman has a calm, radiant, happy demeanor, I will say, ""I just wanted to tell you.....I think you have..a beautiful....energy about you, and it just made me have to say "hi". I'm YOUR NAME HERE".

Ok. Another major way to meet women is to say something funny; make an observation or comment that is humorous, based on something you can observe.

Now, again, I can't give you a "one line fits all" example, because again, it's based on what you are observing in the actual situation. So you will have to observe her, asking, "What can I notice that I can use to make a connection?".

Next, ask yourself, "How can I phrase that in a clever, funny way that gets attention and makes her laugh?"

This takes some practice. But you can get good at it.

Now, again, I hesitate to give word for word examples, because it depends on what you observe. But let me give you just a couple I have used.

One day, as I sat having coffee, this woman walked into the Coffee B*** and T** L***, a local coffee house chain. I noticed immediately that:

1. She had purple hair 2. She had purple fingernails 3. She had purple eye shadow 4. She had purple lipstick 5. She was wearing purple gym clothes 6. She had purple shoes (Yes, I wondered if her PANTIES were purple, but I didn't ask!)

Now, I could have just made a straight comment/observation, as in, "Wow. I see you like the color purple".

Instead, I chose to be funny. I said, "Hmmm..excuse me...but I'm getting a psychic message about you from the spirit world.

Yes...yes..it's a bit fuzzy..hold on..hold on! Yes, the spirits are telling me..YOU LIKE..THE COLOR....PURPLE.

Now, she busted out laughing and that started the conversation.

nother time, I was with a friend in a restaurant/coffee place and we noticed this very cute Asian girl studying her text book so hard, her ears were about to start smoking. She was obviously having a hard time understanding it, talking to herself out loud and then obviously talking to herself in her head.

We sat at the table near her and I said, "Excuse me..can I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker and my friend and I have something very important to discuss."

Now, at that point, she busted up laughing and joined in our conversation.

So again; I can provide examples with this kind of opener. And I can tell you how to come up with your own. But you are going to have to match your opener to what you actually see and observe about her-does that make sense?


Here Are Some Approaches I Do NOT Recommend-

1. Asking her the time, or for directions. It's trite, lame, and then where do you go from there? If you are terribly shy and can't even talk to women, ok, you can start here. But learn to do something else quickly.

2. Being insulting or in any way rude. I don't care what you might have heard. Insulting a woman is stupid. Any woman with choice is just going to move on. If she's kind, she won't insult you back. If she isn't, she just might give a verbal tongue lashing, and that's not the kind of tongue action you want!

3. Invading her space when I meet her. Once I make my initial opening, tell her my name, shake her hand; I then actually take a step back, away from her, to give her back her space.

Women tell me that, to them, it demonstrates respect. It also indicates that, while I am strong enough to come up and meet them, I am also concerned with their safety, and they like that combination. And finally, it indicates a challenge: just because she gave me a good initial response to my opener, doesn't mean she has me! It establishes a challenge, right away.

In any case, whatever approaches you use, bear in mind one more thing I teach my students: 90% of the time, the worst that can happen is NOTHING will happen.

The image of the cold, cruel, rejecting, vicious "bitch"
really exists pretty much only in the movies. Most women, if they aren't interested (and most actually do respond positively to a sincere, fun approach, even if they don't get romantically interested) just won't do anything.

They won't yell.

They won't shoot a dirty look.

They won't hit you or call the cops or the bouncer.

Most, if they just aren't interested, simply WON'T RESPOND.

So get this: the worst that can happen is NOTHING WILL
HAPPEN.

Repeat after me: THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IS: NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.

I've approached thousands of women, literally. In all that
time, maybe 5 instances have I ever been yelled at or have women had something truly vicious to say. And in those cases, I just chalked it up to something that had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

Maybe they were having a terrible day. Maybe their boyfriends beat or abused them. Who knows?

I know if I approach someone in a fun, non-threatening, and sincere way, and they are STILL mean, THEY are the ones with the problem.

Again, this means it has to be ok with you if you don't
"win" all the time. Or better still; define winning as having fun, polishing your skill, and learning SOMETHING about the person you are going to meet. That's within the power and ability of EVERY person, and most of the time, you learn something quite pleasant.

Ok. Enough on this. Hope this helps. I've shot a video
series on this and am in the process of editing it. I WILL
ANNOUNCE WHEN IT IS READY, so please don't call the office and bug them about it, OK? They get cranky about that kind of thing and I'm all about...

Peace and piece,

RJ

P.S. You can have all the success with women you've ever wanted right now, by going to:

http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj87.asp

P.P.S. You can start meeting women, anytime, anywhere
and never worry about what to say:

http://www.speedseduction.net/products/rj185.asp

This newsletter, and all of its contents are copyright Ross Jeffries. However this newsletter may be reprinted and re-used in any format, without prior consent, provided all content, including all links, are kept intact, proper credit for authorship is given, and the newsletter is given for free, without charge.

Wake Up People Explained Today

I move people a little different than most. My mom was an alcoholic. She was the nicest person in the world one minute and the opposite the next. I learned to sense people very early to survive. Today I can detect Bull Shit quickly or with a lot of people it is there rationalization of what has happened and they want me to buy into it. You do not help a drunk giving him a drink. You do not help a drug addict by giving them drugs, no matter how compelling their story might be. I ask a few questions. Make a few statements. Observe/Listen for reactions and make a preliminary determination of what is going on.


My agenda is to be curious about what makes this person tick. I want to know how they will respond in a given situation. In technical terms, I am finding out their model of the world, their meta programs. In the simplest terms, I am being aware. I am in the moment. I am focused on them.


Being aware, by the way, accelerates learning and puts more things on automatic quicker so you can have a smoother, easier, more productive life.


In college, I took very few notes. I was focused on the teacher and the concepts. Understanding was first, notes were second. Most people focus on note taking with the hope of understanding later. This usually results in inconsistent results. Can you understand why?

Dr YJC

Brother Kamal and Brother Orion

Yes, they do exist. Together they made three products: Trouble Shooters I, Trouble Shooters II and Magical Connections. They are still available.

Both Brother Kamal and Brother Orion mastered the Speed Seduction® System yet each had his own obstacles to over come.

Brother Kamal initially believed that his accent and color were a disadvantage. He soon realized after being shown a few Paper Back Romance Novels that his accent and color were an advantage. Kamal is very witty and has been known to quote squirrels. Just one example of how to use NLP.

Brother Orion on the other hand is very outgoing and daring. Yet he was in the beginning terrified of beautiful women. This was solved rapidly by Brother Orion as he simply started going up to every beautiful woman and introducing himself. There were variations. However they went something like, “Hi, I just wanted to tell you that you are stunning. Bye” and he would walk away. He then added an introduction, “My name is Orion,” and then would walk away.

Trouble Shooter I and II are audio tapes discussing their growth and how they moved past limiting beliefs. These are the original pick up artist.

Magical Connections is another story. These two guys went out together with a camera and microphone. They took turns with the camera and mike. Everyone was asking for live approaches and other live demonstrations. These guys would simply stop girls on the street or anywhere they could find them. Seeing is believing. This is a very unique look at girls under hypnosis in public. Still available only on video tape.

So if you are suffering from blue collar stress and want to chill and be thoroughly entertained, you may find these an aid to getting stress under control.

I will share more from the material in future post.

Dr YJC

Scott Asks, What Do You Really Want?

Dear Tom,


What do you really want?


Most people never know what they really want in life.


You ask them and they answer "I want hot women" or "I want to be rich" almost like it's a joke.


Thing is, it's not a joke at all. Think about the inherent natural language processing taking place.


The people who take it that way are the passive peasants.


Passive thinking is a lower level of thinking.


Einstein said "The world we have made, as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far, creates problems we cannot solve at the same level of thinking at which we created them."


Get it?


Your world, right now, was created at a certain level of thinking. You cannot change it at the same level of thinking!


You're going to have to think differently...


...like a Warrior!


Are warriors passive thinkers?


Hell, no!


Can warriors be so highly effective that success is almost easy?


Absolutely!


The key is in Knowing.

If YOU KNOW what YOU REALLY WANT in THIS life, find me to the right and I'll show you how to GET WHAT YOU WANT!


Fair enough?


Scott

Sensual Romantic Tip and Sensual Arousal - A Start

Sensual Romantic Tip and Sensual Arousal - A Start

Steve called today. “Wow,” he said, “I just heard a seduction coach say that you should approach a woman at an angle from the front. I did it and it worked.” “Wow,” I said, “did he explain it.” He Replied, “No he is just very observant I think and is on to something”
I explained. Have you ever watched National Geographic or any of the Animal shows on TV. It is true in all the animal kingdom. Direct approach, eye to eye, is confrontational. It is predator versus prey. They are determining which is which. Watch the classic shows as the hyenas circle the lions. Approaching at an angle shows mutual respect and flirting. There is a comfort and sensual arousal that naturally takes place with the angle approaching. There is also a significant difference just in shifting the eyes so that the right eye is looking into the right eye even in close conversation. And when the left eye is looking into the left eye. That’s for tomorrow.

Your Guide To The Future

Dr YJC